This Little Light of Mine

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This idea of being a reflector in the classroom has been stuck on my mind. A couple of weeks ago I heard there was a Science experiment going on in Mr. A’s classroom so of course during my planning period I wanted to see what all the talk was about. The experiment was great and the kids were definitely intrigued but what stood out to me was the vocabulary. He was describing to the kids a specific element and how if something is shiny or reflective it has luster. So now not only do I want to be an amazing reflector of love and encouragement in the classroom, but I also want to be full of luster…if that makes any sense!

Within Teach for America we are always talking about this idea of transformational change. How do I take kids who have been labeled as “un-reachable” and transform them into incredible members of society. The sad and frustrating part is that I can’t transform every kid…and believe me I want to. If I could that would make me some sort of super hero which I would totally be okay with as long as the costume was legit!

Sometimes when I’m in my classroom and all my buttons have been pushed and the chaos begins to drown me I will start to sing a song in my head. I think back to when I was little and in Sunday school and I begin to sing to myself, “This little light of mine…I’m gunna let it shine…This little light of mine…I’m gunna let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine.” Of course I know that its not “my” light that is shining but the light that shines from my faith and my belief in these kids. It brings me back to reality and reminds of the promise I made my kids and myself that while I was in the classroom I would give them 100% of my energy and attention. This means making sure that the light I am “reflecting” is positive. These kids see enough negativity outside my classroom walls. Ephesians 2:10  ^“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Speaking of my classroom walls I think someone posted on Facebook to come visit my classroom this week. It felt like my kids and I were on display for investors, the Principle and the CEO of my school all week. I began to feel like what was once my space and my four walls to be my crazy self in was now a revolving door. It’s funny how my protective mamma bear comes out when the Principle brings people into observe my classroom and my teaching. One, I can feel the tension in the room as the kids stare at me to gage my reaction. Two I only have limited time with my students so in my head I’m screaming get out of my office I have work to do! On Tuesday alone I had 4 different groups come to observe my classroom.

Favorite moments of the week would have to be Thursday and Friday. I am finishing teaching my students about the “Gilded Age” the period from 1865-1900. We ended the week by talking about the rise of Labor Unions. It couldn’t have been a more perfect time to bring in a current event and show the students that unions are still active and people are still protesting. We looked at a video about the Teacher’s Strike in Chicago and how this strike surrounded a bigger issue: Education Reform. I think it was neat for the students to be able to connect something from the past to something in the present. I included some photos of my students working on their class project!

Testing the Water

This past week in United States History we studied the founding documents and discussed how America became an independent country. The hard part about teaching history is that a lot of the material requires the students to understand a lot of concept.  The best way for me to teach them over 500 years worth of history is to break it down as much as possible and to also find a way to apply it to their everyday lives. I think the day they and I both enjoyed this week was Thursday. I had the desk separated in to 6 groups with 4 group members. I wrote out six different real life scenarios concerning the Bill of Rights (The first ten amendments). For example " Jose’s grandfather has a collection of antique rifles, shotguns, and handguns. He keeps them in a safe in the house. His neighbor is afraid of guns and calls and reports Jose’s grandfather to the police. Can he be arrested for having the guns?" This one always gets the conversation going for two reason: obviously Texas is a big gun state and my students like to make it clear that they really appreciate their second amendment right. It's awesome to see them actually have a conversation with their classmates. It also proves to them how neat it is that we are able to study a document over 200 years old that still plays a part in our actual lives. In one class we even got into a discussion about gun control and whether we should have stricter gun laws. I know…It is only week two and we are already having class discussion...I am super proud!

I am currently the Social Studies Department Head at my school. Believe me I did not receive this position because of my vast years of experience in teaching or knowledge of History. Let's be real…I barely have one year under my belt but since I was the only Social Studies teacher that my school kept from last year the position became mine. It comes with no increase in pay and additional work. Yippie!

This week has also been all about the students seeing what they can get away with...aka "testing the water". They know teachers are human and they want to see what buttons they can push and how I will react. One of the hardest things I had to work on my first year of teaching was controlling the tone in my voice. This was difficult. I am a very happy and fun loving person but I did inherit a bit of temper and when a student pushes my buttons I literally have to make a conscious decision in my head to STOP remain calm and speak in my normal teaching voice. Proverbs 15: 18 "A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention"

In every situation there is a common rule to follow always do what will De-escalate the situation. Whether it is two female students who may look at each other and start a verbal fight (I've learned that girls always go for the other girls weave) or two boys ready to show who is dominate you learn that you have to remain calm. It is a skill that that can't be taught I think it must be learned through experience. The hard part is dealing with the emotion that follows an intense encounter with students. Sometimes I cannot stop laughing other times its end with me in tears or on occasion a combination of both.

My mom always says that I'm a horrible liar because I wear all my emotion in my eyes. She says my eyes tell it all...I think my students would agree with her. Why are moms always right? I had a reminder this week that life is so precious and it really put things into perspective for me. Yes, I have great days in the classroom and I have frustrating days in the classroom, but at the end of the day I need to constantly remind myself how truly blessed I really am. I was so fortunate to be able to spend time with family in Dallas this weekend. I have an amazing family who has put up with my craziness and loves me unconditionally. Not to mention the caring and generous friends who put up with me on a daily basis. As always it has been a challenging week but I know that my purpose is to serve these students as best I can. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

This first week has been one that is full of emotion. Entering the classroom for the second time is totally different. I have confidence in my teaching but the reality of the every day lives my students live really hit me hard.  I am very grateful for my support system (My family and friends) for helping me through the adjustment. It’s amazing how I am able to function off very little sleep…this = more coffee. If you know me at all you have probably come to realize that I have a lot going on in that brain of mine and it is so hard for me to turn it off at night. This often results in exhaustion. I give my kids 110% of my energy throughout the day and when that last bell rings I am BEAT! When people ask me if I like my job my response is that I LOVE my students but I’m super frustrated with the school system. I tell my students I love them, I give them hugs and I try to show them love through my teaching. This doesn’t mean that some days I want to literally sprint out of the building and never come back. I continue to stay because I know that these kids need me.

It’s funny to me how each class period I teach is so different. They each have their own personality. Some classes are so quiet right now that they just stare at me with these blank faces. I've gotten use to having multiple sets of eyeballs on me I just wish we could speed through the whole get to know you phase where the kids can't decide if I'm cool or not. I tell them I'm cool and down with it but I guess they just have to figure it our on their own. Other classes have such strong personalities and I just thrive off the energy. They obviously have figured out how cool I am and take advantage of my unique and nontraditional  teaching skills.

This year I'm taking on a new approach to interacting with the students. I have decided to be extremely real with them, which means I have to be slightly vulnerable. This is hard for me because I get really attached to my students and I only have them for such a short period of time...9-18 weeks if I’m lucky. So, I put together a powerpoint to introduce myself to the students. I want them to see me as a not only a teacher but a person. I remember when I was little I use to think that my teachers actually slept at school. During my first year I would stay after school so late that security would come down to the basement to check on me. This year my planning has gotten so much better so hopefully I’m not going to have to stay so late and lets be real I'm trying to make it to the 5:30 Crossfit Class. The powerpoint included information and pictures about the things I really care about. They were able to see my family and the activities that I enjoy doing outside of school. They were shocked that I actually had pictures of me with friends!

Many people don't realize the hours of work that teachers put in once the school day is over or before it even starts. I have always been a person who finds joy in the details so it is the small touches to things that I create for my students that I think make my classroom a warm place to be. Teaching, like life or any relationship, is a process and my students and I will continue to work to grow together and now that I have over 154 new faces and names to learn I get excited about the possibility of being a positive influence in their lives...even if it is only for one hour each day. I have on my desk a verse that keeps me grounded. 1 Corinthians 15:58 "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

So many of my students are parents themselves and it is so strange to see students I had last year who came to tell me that they were pregnant and show up to school after this summer with swollen bellies. I see them coming down the hall and they smile at me and I see a young girl with braces who has this belly with a child growing inside and my heart hurts because I know this is a kid about to have a kid. I see that girls like Amber put on this really strong front yet deep down there is this sense of terror and they tell me. "Ms. I'm just not ready." I tell you this because it is the reality that I work in daily. What makes me proud is that Amber is still coming to school and she tells me that she wants to be better so she can provide for her baby. These kids constantly amaze me with a "fighter" mentality.

This week I really focused on investing my students into owning their education. We talked about Malleable Intelligence and that that their brain is a muscle just waiting to grow. This means that they CAN become more intelligent. Their brains can grow and change because it is full of billions of neurons waiting to learn new information and make stronger connections. We discussed the concept of Democracy and why that is important in their lives. We ended the week talking about how in order for them to be successful they have to set goals for themselves. We ended the week on a good note. I currently have 154 students and 154 Big Goals on my bulletin board.

On a funny note, the kids seem to be really concerned with my dating life. They are always asking if I am dating any of the other teachers and why I don't have kids yet. I tell them that they are my number one priority and that I'm just not ready to have my own kids. In reality once school starts my social life ends. This is something that I am working on trying to balance out in my life. In order to be healthy for my students I need to continue to take care of myself and that means getting enough sleep, being active and being social. 

Here are some pictures of the students working. One of my new favorites "Big Trey" :)

3...2...1...GO!

Over this past year I have had moments of panic, sadness, frustration and even questioned my ability to impact the students around me. Through all of the tough times came moments of pure joy, strength and growth. I would not have been able to make it through my first year with the support of my family and friends and my faith. It was about midway through the year and I was struggling (Did you know that your body requires sleep?) that I finally had a moment of clarity. I realized that I was wasting important moments in my life being miserable. Some may say I’m ridiculous others may say a little crazy but for those of you who really know me understand that I’m just “unique.” I did a 180 and began to take a new perspective. When students entered my classroom I was going to love on them as much as possible. The time spent inside my school building was going to be as positive as I could make it because my purpose was no longer to serve myself but to serve others. I wanted to be with my students I wanted to watch them grow and I wanted the time I spent with them to be joyous.

As I embark on this second year of teaching I have that same mindset. I realize that in order for my students to benefit from the crazy amounts of energy I’m blessed with that I have to take care of myself. Yes…here it comes. I drank the kool-aid. With encouragement from my brother I joined a Crossfit Gym (Crossfit Deep Ellum). It has completely changed my life (I know big statement). It has given me a venue to challenge myself both mentally and physically. It has surrounded me with people who are encouraging. It has given me strength. It is a new and exciting feeling to have.  I feel strong going into the classroom this second year and when I hit a bump in the road I will have the strength to deal with it, better than I did my first year.

Tomorrow is exciting and I get see the faces of kids who live very different lives then once I have lived. They have seen and experienced things that no child should experience. But they are amazing and they will be in my classroom because they are being given a second chance. Ready or not (and I feel ready) here we go!